Events that occurred prior to the bubble are immaterial unless they physically affect that which is in the bubble. Events that occur after the bubble are not accounted for because I cannot see them. I am narcissistic because I am the only constant variable. I am OCD because I must be, in order to function halfway properly I must maintain rigid control of the aspects of the world that I am able. And I cannot regard others as being remotely the same as I for they are not. Their world exists as a whole, their thoughts flow into each other, and they can plan for their future existence. I, on the other hand, live in a world broken apart like disconnected puzzle pieces. They lay in the proper order, but they are not touching. My thoughts dance about, interfered by the smallest of distractions. And my future is completely uncertain as from my vantage point all possibilities are equally likely and thus none can be prepared for.
I have cheated on my wife, I have slept around because sex is simply a physical act. I take steps to ensure I do not procreate, but ultimately if I did, it’s not my problem. If I pay a bit of child support it doesn’t matter. I have stolen because I wanted, not because I couldn’t afford. I lie constantly about who I am, what my abilities are, what job skills I have, and because I am intelligent I can learn the job skills I lied about in a short enough time that none are the wiser.
You pretentious heathens, walking around pretending that who I am and what I am somehow makes me dangerous, it is just how I manage my existence. If it weren’t for me telling you, you would never know I existed. I would be just another jerk in the crowd.
I recently went to see a psychiatrist and being 18 years of age, he believes that there is a high probability I am, as well as having schizophrenia (by high probability, I mean he insists on having a few more visits to ensure he is correct)
Yet here I sit, pondering if I could be capable of greater things. Not as a question of ability, but of capability. Where I am now has taken great effort, I am successful because despite my shortcomings in the emotional and ethical department, my mind functions vividly and cleanly. As ironic as that seems to me, the thing I view as your weakness is, in fact mine instead. Where do I go for help?
I can see clearly that I am held back by my absence of morals and emotions
I’m quite sure I am a sociopath, as I do fit this criteria. My family and friends also have considered me as being one. I’ve been arrested quite a few times, never held a job for very long, have hurt many people (emotionally and physically, not so much financially) and in the end, I couldn’t care less. I’ve never felt guilty or remorseful about anything I’ve done. I feel I can do whatever I want, how I want and when I want. I see people as objects more than anything else, waiting out there in the open usually unsuspecting. I’ve manipulated various people and usually their lives got destroyed (emotionally mostly, although a age was done). My father rarely, if never showed any emotions and my mother, when she was home and not drinking, sometimes was approachable. I’ve lied countless times (here I am being truthful) from such a young age. I remember my parents at first trying to discipline me but there was nothing on my part. Instead of giving up, they used more painful methods, verbal and physical. However, despite this, I tend to not do much drugs, mainly alcohol if any (not a constant drunk though). Concepts of “right” and “wrong” are simple words to me and I’ve always felt I can do whatever I want, to whoever I want, whenever I want and however I want. I’m fairly intelligent, although no mathematical genuis, I will be in 2nd year soon (finished my exams of 1st year, passed everything easily and doing psychology this summer). Depending on how psychology goes, it may either be a double major in biology and psychology or biology and chemistry. I’m already very good at getting inside people’s heads, using them and knowing some stuff on the human body but I intend to learn so much more and in a way become more “powerful”. In conclusion, I’ve been diagnosed as a sociopath and schizophrenic. rach12